Go Back   Polykarbon Art Forum > GALLERY > Writer's Forum
Register FAQ Members List Arcade IRC Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-18-2006, 03:11 PM   #1
Aires
Lone Wolf
 
Aires's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Lost
Posts: 1,165
Send a message via MSN to Aires
Default Lands Of Ash

Leo waited on the outskirts of Dysan, hidden away in the woodlands waiting for his contact to arrive. He closed his silver pocket watch and shoved it in his mantle, the hour was close to midnight. The moon was high, lighting the countryside with a pale blue veil of light.

Mika was sleeping easily underneath the base of the large oak while the young man stood as a sentry. Alone in his thoughts, he was deep , , reminincing about his shrowded appointment with "Old Gray" not even a week ago.

The tavern was bustling with its usual buisness, enticing servicemen and brigand alike with its sweet and the comforts of the tavern maids. In the center of this controlled chaos, Mika was drinking with the best of them, alive in competitiveness of their drinking games. She even wowed the drunken mass as she performed various feats of accuracy with her daggers and an improvised dart board.

Leo was alone in a dimly lit booth in the corner watching and listening to the roar of the crowds with little interest. He watched this many times before as his "older sister" participated in such acts as drinking, showboding, and cheating a nearby drunk of his money. He was there for a different purpose.

Leo was standing watch for a man that fit a very breif description in his recent set of orders. "An old man wearing an ornate brooch with the image of a dragon entwined against a cutless emblazoned on it." He whispered to himself. "Not much to go on." He sighed as he looked around casually inspecting the room.

Then with a sudden uproar, the tavern seemed to come alive with a renewed excitement. He barely heard the distinctive thud of sharp metal digging into soft wood as he snuck into the crowded circle, their eyes on a competition as daggers and knives flew through the air. "She's found a new victim to swindle" Leo smiled contently as the crowd cheered the two contestants both on.

"She's not that bad is she?" a calm natured voice spoke behind Leo with a hint of amusement. In the excitement, an old man, snuck up behind the young warrior. He luaghed at the exihbition as Leo turned to see a very pecuilair brooch in the folds securing his mantle around the elders sholders. He was tall in stature, strong, despite his age, the smell of the oceans permeated his person, salt etched into his clothing. A man of the seas.

"Old Gray" Leo qeustioned. The man only nodded as he walked away from the spirited crowd and into a quiet booth away from the other patrons. He motioned his hand for Leo to follow and take a seat. Leo sat down and studied his contact with a breif glance, unsure as always to trust his new employer or not.

"I'm assuming your the castor Leo Dante from the Minith Resolution Company?" the old man asked. "They told me to look for a man of average stature with dark red hair and lanky build. I'm assuming that the description is of you?" He chuckled. Leo only nodded a spiteful smirk forming from his lips. "So your the same man. Are you capable to take on a dangerous mission? You dont seem like the average mercanary."

"With the respect due to you, I am indeed a castor with Minith. We take on jobs as simple as message delivery, to aiding in combat. I've worked the wide spectrum that I described to you, leaving only a promising track record." Leo said, reassuring his own ego.

Old Gray bowed his head in acknowledgement, sighing an apology, "Forgive me, I've only wanted to be certain that I had the best man for the task ahead; I'm sure you can provide what I need."
Gray took a picture from his weathered peacoat and handed it to the young castor face down.

"To the buisness at hand, I want you to escort my associate in the picture to Col Saren. Shes quite capable of taking care of herself, but I would like the extra assurance that she reaches the portown safely."

"And the catch?" Leo snapped back to the present. He heard the breaking of twigs, the groan of branches under weight, and the rustle of leaves in a chorous of noise. The young castor gave off a high pitched whistle, signaling his partner to wake. His blade was at the ready, his eyes searched the darkened canopy. He heard the stranger landing behind him, the sound of a dagger unsheathed. "There's always a catch!"

(there is much more but enjoy this tidbit)
__________________
Gallery
Lands of Ash
Color

Member of the Writers Guild

Last edited by Aires : 02-20-2006 at 03:28 PM.
Aires is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2006, 09:21 AM   #2
icedragonqueen
Chef in Training
 
icedragonqueen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: In oblivion
Posts: 82
Default

sweetheart, you know what I think about it... I think it'll be a great book when it's finished... you just need to work on your spelling... and I say that with the greatest respect. I really do need to get you a dictionary/thesaurus... only problem is, how on earth am I going to mail that to you. ^^... keep up with it babe, and tell me when you want me to give it a tweak. ^_^
icedragonqueen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-20-2006, 11:25 AM   #3
Aires
Lone Wolf
 
Aires's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Lost
Posts: 1,165
Send a message via MSN to Aires
Default

Bought time ya showed up. Thanks for the edits, and I think I'm going to enjoy the co op. ^^;

Good luck on your story as well, just know I'm going to bug your ass until you finish this one. Haha Well, I geuss Im going to have to behave in here from now on.

I'll edit this post either tonight and tommorrow and type up my notes.
Take care tovi
__________________
Gallery
Lands of Ash
Color

Member of the Writers Guild
Aires is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-22-2006, 05:02 AM   #4
icedragonqueen
Chef in Training
 
icedragonqueen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: In oblivion
Posts: 82
Default

^^ yea, you better watch your ass in here...haha, please, I'm not going to do anything to you if you do act up... you need your fun. and maybe we should start writing a story together in here, now that we can... what do you think of that?
__________________
I know when I turn my back on you and walk away, you are going to be checking out my ass, so I should just walk sideways like a crab and let you only see the profile.
icedragonqueen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-25-2006, 02:56 PM   #5
Aires
Lone Wolf
 
Aires's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Lost
Posts: 1,165
Send a message via MSN to Aires
Default

Sora Vale walked with caution as she reached the garden walls outside of the cynagouge. She closed her eyes, examing the disturbances of the air, the subtle smells of men, and to sense if she was watched. She hid herself in the shadows away from the laterns of guardposts. It was safe.

She was on the otherside of the walls, her back turned away from the holy site. She landed with poise and silently hid away from the attention of the watchstanders. She walked in silence as she enjoyed the windy night and its sweet smell of forbidden freedom as she made her way to the dark alleys of Corite.

Her servitude was only a guise of her true arts, her skills which gave her such freedom and likewise, her bondage. Sora was sent to Corite, living among the religous monks. She was sent to be another woman to be taken into their divine citadel as a convert and as servant. She lived a life of false peace as she served the clergy thier meals, washed their robes, and to search for salvation in her chores.

She was here for another reason. Vale' was ordered to conviently accept their faith and live under their protection until given further orders. She served and waited until she recieved the inevitable message. She was given word to rendevous with Gray inside a small pub in Corite.

Sora bore her skin to the cold air in the safety of the dark back alley as she removed her humble robes and replaced it with a cuirass and tunic. She pulled on and tied her leather leggings and dark knee high boots, then secured her mantle across her sholders. Its warmth was comforting as the wind rose with a feversih chill. She left her squalor clothing behind, hidden for her return. She finally disappeared into the streets to her fateful rendevous.

--------------above under serious reconstruction---------------------


Vale watched the Ceremonial displays of Corite outside from her seat in a dimly lit tavern. From respectable merchants, to the less then credible slave runners, it was a fond destination to those who traverse the sea. She pressed her lips against the almost palatble ale as she had done so many times before. The only thing to distinguish this occasion from others would be a small message tube that prombted her visit.
__________________
Gallery
Lands of Ash
Color

Member of the Writers Guild

Last edited by Aires : 03-02-2006 at 11:51 AM.
Aires is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-01-2006, 10:46 AM   #6
icedragonqueen
Chef in Training
 
icedragonqueen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: In oblivion
Posts: 82
Default

baby, you got run ons and spelling errors... And in the second post, the one with Sora, I would use breeches instead of leggings... leggings are usually stockings of a stretchable material like spandex rather than leather. Not only that, but you keep having broken and incomplete sentences... try connecting some of your sentences with a semicolon. This is just a couple sentences I chose to change. (ie. She pulled on and tied her leather *breeches* and stepped into her dark, knee high boots. She then secured her mantle across her shoulders; its warmth was comforting as the wind rose with a feverish chill.) and try not to repeat words so much. Just some helpful advice luv... =^_^=...good luck babe
__________________
I know when I turn my back on you and walk away, you are going to be checking out my ass, so I should just walk sideways like a crab and let you only see the profile.

Last edited by icedragonqueen : 03-02-2006 at 11:10 AM.
icedragonqueen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2006, 11:34 AM   #7
Aires
Lone Wolf
 
Aires's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Lost
Posts: 1,165
Send a message via MSN to Aires
Default

wow! I have no excuses for the poor structure. Well, Gotta work on that.
thanx
__________________
Gallery
Lands of Ash
Color

Member of the Writers Guild
Aires is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2006, 11:38 AM   #8
icedragonqueen
Chef in Training
 
icedragonqueen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: In oblivion
Posts: 82
Default

^^ no prob luv
__________________
I know when I turn my back on you and walk away, you are going to be checking out my ass, so I should just walk sideways like a crab and let you only see the profile.
icedragonqueen is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:33 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.8
Copyright ©2000 - 2020, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.